One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

(Yes I'm quoting Paula Abdul lyrics for my title.)

A little over a month ago I had surgery that put me out for awhile.  I'm just now getting to where I feel normal again.  Relatively normal that is.  I'm not where I was, but I'm getting there.  My body lets me know when it has taken on too much for the day and such.  So I listen.  I rest.  I sleep.  I lay on my butt.  A lot.  It's frustrating.  I'm by no means a get up and go kind of gal.  I'm laid back and prefer to chill, but this surgery has really been a lesson in respecting my limits.  One day I feel great.  The next day I feel as if I've been hit by a truck.

Recovery from anything can be like this.  Especially an eating disorder.

I would always wish that recovery would be step one, then step two, and step three, and so forth.  But it's not.  Instead of a straight line, it's a bunch of squiggly lines all over the place.  And that's OK.  That is how we get from being sick to healthy.  It's the same for all of us.  No matter what the problem.  Accept it.  One day you may feel like you'll never be tempted again.  The next day, you may have the biggest episode of your life.  And that's how it is.  It's ok.  As long as you begin again.  Keep going forward every chance you have.  "Fall down seven.  Get up eight."

Listen to your body and its needs.  Respect your body.  That's probably one of the hardest things to learn to do in recovery.  For so long, we have ignored our bodies basic needs.  Start to tune in to yourself.  What do you need right now?  What is your body trying to tell you?  Get quiet for a few minutes and just breathe.  The answers will come to you.  If not, at least you'll feel calmer!

Once you begin to get healthy again, you will notice that the backward steps are getting further and further apart from the forward steps.  There will be many more forward steps than backward ones.  But do not beat yourself up over the backward ones.  Learn from them.  They are not a reflection of who you are as a person.  They are just reminders that there are a few more steps to take.

love and light, kelly