Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Tiny Mad Idea

Let's go back a bit today.  Way back.  Let's go back to when you were a baby.  When you didn't have the "problems" you have today.  Your only concerns were being fed, being held, and having your dirty diaper changed.  Such simple times, right?

One thing you notice when you see a baby is that they live in the moment.  They're not concerned about what tomorrow may or may not bring.  They're not rehashing all the perceived mistakes they made the day before.  You will also notice that they are not in the least bit concerned with their baby fat or how their body looks.  You will never hear a baby ask you if their diaper makes them look fat.

Now I know that you're thinking, no shit.  But you were once that baby.  Seems like forever, am I right?  Somewhere and someway some crazy idea came into your head that you weren't good enough.  The Course In Miracles calls this a tiny, mad idea.  And that is exactly what it is.  A tiny mad idea.

What happened?  What made you change from being the sweet baby who could care less about it's body to the person you are with an eating disorder?  Try to think back about what circumstances may have happened to you to think such crazy ideas.

I know mine started around the time my father died when I was three.  I couldn't comprehend the concept of death at such a young age.  I thought that maybe God didn't think I was good enough to have a daddy, so he took him away from me.  I saw all the other children who had fathers and was angry and jealous of them.  Why did mine die?  How come they have a daddy and I don't?  Since my father died, that must mean that my mother will one day die too.  I was terrified of that happening.

So began my pursuit of being the most perfect little girl.  A girl so perfect that her mother would love her so much and never leave her side.  Well, we saw where that thinking got me.

Where did your tiny mad idea begin?  What events in your life may have led you to invent this idea?  That you were less than?  More importantly, that you were separate from God?  Because that's what the tiny mad idea is.  It's the moment you become separate from God.  It's when you choose fear over love.

Meditate on this for awhile.  Journal about it.  And most importantly, FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!!

Leave a comment or shoot me an email if you would like to discuss this further.

love and light, kelly

No comments:

Post a Comment