Sunday, January 29, 2017

Love Always Wins

In todays tumultuous times, it's hard to stay positive.  All over the news are fights, fear, and negativity.   We're living in scary times.  People on both sides are mad.

No matter which side you fall on, just know that love always wins.  Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world.  Yogi Bhajan said to realize that the other person is you.  The law of attraction says what you put out, comes back to you.  Be love.  Be the light.  The world needs people like this right now.

We're all connected.  We are all One.

love and light, kelly

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Tiny Mad Idea

Let's go back a bit today.  Way back.  Let's go back to when you were a baby.  When you didn't have the "problems" you have today.  Your only concerns were being fed, being held, and having your dirty diaper changed.  Such simple times, right?

One thing you notice when you see a baby is that they live in the moment.  They're not concerned about what tomorrow may or may not bring.  They're not rehashing all the perceived mistakes they made the day before.  You will also notice that they are not in the least bit concerned with their baby fat or how their body looks.  You will never hear a baby ask you if their diaper makes them look fat.

Now I know that you're thinking, no shit.  But you were once that baby.  Seems like forever, am I right?  Somewhere and someway some crazy idea came into your head that you weren't good enough.  The Course In Miracles calls this a tiny, mad idea.  And that is exactly what it is.  A tiny mad idea.

What happened?  What made you change from being the sweet baby who could care less about it's body to the person you are with an eating disorder?  Try to think back about what circumstances may have happened to you to think such crazy ideas.

I know mine started around the time my father died when I was three.  I couldn't comprehend the concept of death at such a young age.  I thought that maybe God didn't think I was good enough to have a daddy, so he took him away from me.  I saw all the other children who had fathers and was angry and jealous of them.  Why did mine die?  How come they have a daddy and I don't?  Since my father died, that must mean that my mother will one day die too.  I was terrified of that happening.

So began my pursuit of being the most perfect little girl.  A girl so perfect that her mother would love her so much and never leave her side.  Well, we saw where that thinking got me.

Where did your tiny mad idea begin?  What events in your life may have led you to invent this idea?  That you were less than?  More importantly, that you were separate from God?  Because that's what the tiny mad idea is.  It's the moment you become separate from God.  It's when you choose fear over love.

Meditate on this for awhile.  Journal about it.  And most importantly, FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!!

Leave a comment or shoot me an email if you would like to discuss this further.

love and light, kelly

Monday, January 9, 2017

Intentions, Not Resolutions

This goes back to my earlier post about setting resolutions.  I was thinking about it and thought why not set intentions instead of resolutions.

I looked up the definition of intention and this is what I found:

Definition of intention

  1. 1:  a determination to act in a certain way:  resolve
  2. 3A:  what one intends to do or bring aboutB:  the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered
  3. 4:  a process or manner of healing of incised wounds
  4. 5:  concept; especially:  a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge
  5. 6Plural:  purpose with respect to marriage

Pay close attention to definition #4.  A process or matter to healing incised wounds.

That's what I'm talking about!  What is your intention for the new year?  What parts of you do you want to heal?  Heal, not change.  Why not start the beginning of each day with an intention?  If anyone reading this practices yoga, then this concept should be familiar.   At the start of some classes of yoga, the instructor will have everyone set an intention.  Basically,  you state what you want to get out of the class.  Do this with each day.

Some examples:
I intend to be forgiving of myself and others today.
I intend to love myself today.
I intend to make healthy choices today.
I intend not to compare myself with others today.

Try this for the next few days and weeks, and see how much better your life is.  Let me know if you have some success with this.  My door is always open.

love and light, kelly

Sunday, January 1, 2017


Happy new year beautiful souls!  I don't know about you, but I'm glad 2016 is over.  I personally am still mourning the death of George Michael.  (So much that you'd think I knew the guy.)

Every new year people set resolutions with every bit of good intention.  And usually before the month of January is over, the resolutions are broken and the person either doesn't care or is pissed off at themselves for not being able to keep them.  That is why I stopped making New Year resolutions years ago.  Every year my  resolutions would be the same.  Quit smoking.  Begin a reasonable exercise program.  Eat more healthy foods.  I would be good for maybe a week.  (I'm not very strong willed.)  Then I throw a pity party for myself.  That I'm good at.

So I'm done with making them.

I believe that every day gives us a day to start over.  Hell, every hour if you'd like.  We always have the chance to begin again.

If 2016 wasn't your year, so be it.  2017 will be.  All you have to do is show up for yourself every day.  If you screw up, forgive yourself, and carry on.  You don't have to wait until New Years to change.  I would always feel pressure to be so good with my resolutions.  When I would break them, I would be so mad at myself for not keeping them.  Why do that to myself?

So my wish for you in this new year is to be your truest, most authentic self.  Whatever that means to you.  Of course I wish you health and happiness as well.  So let's toast our imaginary glasses of green juice to each other.  Here's to you and a great 2017!

love and light, kelly

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Let's Talk about Poop

Even though I've had seventeen years recovery from my eating disorder, I'm still suffering one of its side effects.  Even right now as I write this.

My digestive system is completely screwed up.

Right now I have bad stomach bloating, gas, and a horrible stomach ache.  I've taken four Tums and it has not helped in the least.

The only time after my recovery that I had what you could call a "normal" digestive system was when I was pregnant.  I was Little Miss Regular.  I really hoped that it would continue after I had my beautiful baby boy.

It didn't.

Now I'm lucky if I can go once a week.  I envy people who are regular.  Seriously.

Once when I was at the store, I bought what I thought were fiber pills.  They worked magnificently!  I found my cure.  I was so happy.  When I ran out of them and went to buy another bottle, I looked more closely at the label.  I had been taking laxatives, not fiber pills.  Well no f*ing wonder they worked.  I knew I couldn't continue taking them and bought the actual fiber pills instead.  Did they work?  No.

Now I'm taking probiotics.  I've been doing this for about a month now.  No improvement.  My next step is adding Mirolax in my coffee every morning.  I've only done this for the last two mornings, so I can't tell you if it's helped or not.

I have developed a corn allergy as well.  I can not eat anything made from corn or corn flour without experiencing excruciating pain.  Taco Bell used to be one of my number one places to get my binge and purge foods.  No more crunchy tacos or nachos for me.  When buying groceries I have to make sure that nothing I buy contains corn.  And by being a southern girl, I sure do miss cheesy grits loaded with butter.

This sucks.  Thanks for listening to me rant.  I guess I'm writing this to let people know that an eating disorder can truly fuck with you.  I never thought I would still be having problems this long into my recovery.  If you are still actively participating in your disease, please get help.  And if you're experiencing this, know you're not alone.  If you have any remedies, please let me know.  We're all in this together.

love and light, kelly

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Giving Thanks

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  I know the holiday season and be very hard for those  in the thick of their disease or for those in the beginning of their recovery.  This is a perfect time to be extra gentle and caring for yourselves.

But what I wanted to talk about today is giving thanks to your disorder.  It may not seem like much of a gift during and in the beginning of your recovery.  In time you will be able to see the gifts it has given you.

The gift I'm most thankful for is that the disorder gave me back myself.  My true self.  If it wasn't for the disease, I would not be the person I am today.  It gave me compassion for others.  It took me out of myself and also taught me to love myself.  I had to learn these traits.  (It's so hard to put all this in words.)  It made me more me.  A good me.  It took me to the depths of hell and the only way was up.

It also gave me the gift of spirituality.  Before recovery I was agnostic.  I wanted to believe in a power greater than myself, but when I looked at my life it was hard for me to think there was some force in the world that wanted the best for me.  I was so angry.  Angry at the world.  Angry at God for taking my daddy when I was three.  Angry at myself for "allowing" all the crappy things to happen to me.  But the gift of recovery showed me that there is something bigger than us at work.  I couldn't have made it this far without it.  I now have a daily prayer and meditation practice that I wouldn't have ever had if it wasn't for my eating disorder.  That is the biggest thing it has ever gave me.  I am truly thankful and humbled by this.

This week try to examine the things that your disease has given you.  The good things and focus on that.  Don't focus on all the crappy things.  What you focus on, becomes.  Write out a list and keep adding to it as things as you recall.  Revisit your list when the disease tries to dissuade your recovery.

May this holiday season be your best yet.

love and light, kelly

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Yeah, I know. It's Been Awhile Part 2

All day I have great ideas and topics to discuss on this site.  Then it comes down to actually writing, and I put it off for one day.  That day becomes the next day, and I again put it off.  Before I know it, a whole lot of time has come since I last wrote.

Procrastination should be my true vocation.

And I have plenty of excuses too.  I have to help my son with his homework.  I have to cook dinner.  My son has soccer practice twice a week.  I'm tired.  I need some me time.

The whole time my blog is in the back of my mind.

This is something I'm working on.  I'm not going to get down on myself.  I'm going to forgive myself for not being of service to everyone who has ever read this blog.  All five of you.  Lol!

Look for new content coming soon.  I have a whole lists of topics I want to discuss.  But first I have to watch the debate tonight.  Again I kid.

love and light, kelly