I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know the holiday season and be very hard for those in the thick of their disease or for those in the beginning of their recovery. This is a perfect time to be extra gentle and caring for yourselves.
But what I wanted to talk about today is giving thanks to your disorder. It may not seem like much of a gift during and in the beginning of your recovery. In time you will be able to see the gifts it has given you.
The gift I'm most thankful for is that the disorder gave me back myself. My true self. If it wasn't for the disease, I would not be the person I am today. It gave me compassion for others. It took me out of myself and also taught me to love myself. I had to learn these traits. (It's so hard to put all this in words.) It made me more me. A good me. It took me to the depths of hell and the only way was up.
It also gave me the gift of spirituality. Before recovery I was agnostic. I wanted to believe in a power greater than myself, but when I looked at my life it was hard for me to think there was some force in the world that wanted the best for me. I was so angry. Angry at the world. Angry at God for taking my daddy when I was three. Angry at myself for "allowing" all the crappy things to happen to me. But the gift of recovery showed me that there is something bigger than us at work. I couldn't have made it this far without it. I now have a daily prayer and meditation practice that I wouldn't have ever had if it wasn't for my eating disorder. That is the biggest thing it has ever gave me. I am truly thankful and humbled by this.
This week try to examine the things that your disease has given you. The good things and focus on that. Don't focus on all the crappy things. What you focus on, becomes. Write out a list and keep adding to it as things as you recall. Revisit your list when the disease tries to dissuade your recovery.
May this holiday season be your best yet.
love and light, kelly
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