tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88795258883279345022024-03-13T13:57:02.524-05:00Impossible to I'm Possibleeating disorder recovery blogkelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-66848825670887291212017-01-29T09:34:00.001-06:002017-01-29T09:34:06.441-06:00Love Always WinsIn todays tumultuous times, it's hard to stay positive. All over the news are fights, fear, and negativity. We're living in scary times. People on both sides are mad. <br />
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No matter which side you fall on, just know that love always wins. Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world. Yogi Bhajan said to realize that the other person is you. The law of attraction says what you put out, comes back to you. Be love. Be the light. The world needs people like this right now. <br />
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We're all connected. We are all One.<br />
<br />
love and light, kelly<br />
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<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-34682566616314562682017-01-10T10:20:00.001-06:002017-01-10T10:22:26.580-06:00Tiny Mad IdeaLet's go back a bit today. Way back. Let's go back to when you were a baby. When you didn't have the "problems" you have today. Your only concerns were being fed, being held, and having your dirty diaper changed. Such simple times, right? <br />
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One thing you notice when you see a baby is that they live in the moment. They're not concerned about what tomorrow may or may not bring. They're not rehashing all the perceived mistakes they made the day before. You will also notice that they are not in the least bit concerned with their baby fat or how their body looks. You will never hear a baby ask you if their diaper makes them look fat.<br />
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Now I know that you're thinking, no shit. But you were once that baby. Seems like forever, am I right? Somewhere and someway some crazy idea came into your head that you weren't good enough. The Course In Miracles calls this a tiny, mad idea. And that is exactly what it is. A tiny mad idea. <br />
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What happened? What made you change from being the sweet baby who could care less about it's body to the person you are with an eating disorder? Try to think back about what circumstances may have happened to you to think such crazy ideas. <br />
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I know mine started around the time my father died when I was three. I couldn't comprehend the concept of death at such a young age. I thought that maybe God didn't think I was good enough to have a daddy, so he took him away from me. I saw all the other children who had fathers and was angry and jealous of them. Why did mine die? How come they have a daddy and I don't? Since my father died, that must mean that my mother will one day die too. I was terrified of that happening. <br />
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So began my pursuit of being the most perfect little girl. A girl so perfect that her mother would love her so much and never leave her side. Well, we saw where that thinking got me. <br />
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Where did your tiny mad idea begin? What events in your life may have led you to invent this idea? That you were less than? More importantly, that you were separate from God? Because that's what the tiny mad idea is. It's the moment you become separate from God. It's when you choose fear over love. <br />
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Meditate on this for awhile. Journal about it. And most importantly, <b>FORGIVE YOURSELF</b>!!!!<br />
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Leave a comment or shoot me an email if you would like to discuss this further. <br />
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love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-69007969150512579352017-01-09T08:59:00.002-06:002017-01-09T08:59:43.772-06:00Intentions, Not Resolutions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybPNVRkn2aA/WHOgfj1GmjI/AAAAAAAAAZk/CdHtADuYw94JYOqKcWAm3DSqMNlfBgqQACLcB/s1600/th-2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ybPNVRkn2aA/WHOgfj1GmjI/AAAAAAAAAZk/CdHtADuYw94JYOqKcWAm3DSqMNlfBgqQACLcB/s1600/th-2.jpeg" /></a></div>
This goes back to my earlier post about setting resolutions. I was thinking about it and thought why not set intentions instead of resolutions. <br />
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I looked up the definition of intention and this is what I found:<br />
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Definition of <span style="font-size: 1.047em; font-variant-caps: small-caps; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">intention</span></h2>
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<li style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">1</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;">:</span> a determination to act in a certain way:<span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;"></span> <a class="sx-link sc" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resolve" style="color: #ae0015; font-variant-caps: small-caps; letter-spacing: 0.04em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">resolve</a></span></div>
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<li style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">2</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;">:</span> <a class="sx-link sc" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/import" style="color: #ae0015; font-variant-caps: small-caps; letter-spacing: 0.04em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">import</a>, <a class="sx-link sc" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/significance" style="color: #ae0015; font-variant-caps: small-caps; letter-spacing: 0.04em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">significance</a></span></div>
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<li style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">3</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;">A:<span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;"></span> what one <a class="formulaic" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intends" style="color: #ae0015; letter-spacing: 0.04em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">intends</a> to do or bring about</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;">B:<span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;"></span> the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered</span></div>
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<li style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">4</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;">:</span> a process or manner of healing of incised wounds</span></div>
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<li style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 1.1875em; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">5</span><span style="display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;">:</span> <a class="sx-link sc" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/concept" style="color: #ae0015; font-variant-caps: small-caps; letter-spacing: 0.04em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">concept</a>; especially:<span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;"></span> a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge</span></div>
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<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="definition-inner-item with-sense" style="clear: both; font-size: 1em; letter-spacing: 0.04em; line-height: 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2.1875em; position: relative;">
<span class="sense" style="font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px;">6</span><span style="display: block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;">Plural:<span class="intro-colon" style="font-weight: bold; padding: 0px;"></span> purpose with respect to marriage</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
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<div class="title-block" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<h2 style="color: #375c71; font-family: Lato, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0.0454em; line-height: 1.2272; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static; z-index: auto;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></h2>
<div style="font-family: Lato, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pay close attention to definition #4. A process or matter to healing incised wounds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That's what I'm talking about! What is your intention for the new year? What parts of you do you want to heal? Heal, not change. Why not start the beginning of each day with an intention? If anyone reading this practices yoga, then this concept should be familiar. At the start of some classes of yoga, the instructor will have everyone set an intention. Basically, you state what you want to get out of the class. Do this with each day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some examples:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I intend to be forgiving of myself and others today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I intend to love myself today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I intend to make healthy choices today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I intend not to compare myself with others today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Try this for the next few days and weeks, and see how much better your life is. Let me know if you have some success with this. My door is always open.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">love and light, kelly</span></div>
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<span style="display: block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><br /></span><span style="display: block; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><br /></span><span style="display: block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><br /></span><span style="display: block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><br /></span><span style="display: block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.125em; padding: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
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kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-4870084598488268962017-01-01T18:53:00.001-06:002017-01-01T18:53:28.128-06:00HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!Happy new year beautiful souls! I don't know about you, but I'm glad 2016 is over. I personally am still mourning the death of George Michael. (So much that you'd think I knew the guy.)<br />
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Every new year people set resolutions with every bit of good intention. And usually before the month of January is over, the resolutions are broken and the person either doesn't care or is pissed off at themselves for not being able to keep them. That is why I stopped making New Year resolutions years ago. Every year my resolutions would be the same. Quit smoking. Begin a reasonable exercise program. Eat more healthy foods. I would be good for maybe a week. (I'm not very strong willed.) Then I throw a pity party for myself. That I'm good at. <br />
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So I'm done with making them. <br />
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I believe that every day gives us a day to start over. Hell, every hour if you'd like. We always have the chance to begin again. <br />
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If 2016 wasn't your year, so be it. 2017 will be. All you have to do is show up for yourself every day. If you screw up, forgive yourself, and carry on. You don't have to wait until New Years to change. I would always feel pressure to be so good with my resolutions. When I would break them, I would be so mad at myself for not keeping them. Why do that to myself? <br />
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So my wish for you in this new year is to be your truest, most authentic self. Whatever that means to you. Of course I wish you health and happiness as well. So let's toast our imaginary glasses of green juice to each other. Here's to you and a great 2017!<br />
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<br />
love and light, kelly<br />
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<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-49428740316259877612016-12-10T22:03:00.000-06:002016-12-10T22:03:04.807-06:00Let's Talk about PoopEven though I've had seventeen years recovery from my eating disorder, I'm still suffering one of its side effects. Even right now as I write this.<br />
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My digestive system is completely screwed up. <br />
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Right now I have bad stomach bloating, gas, and a horrible stomach ache. I've taken four Tums and it has not helped in the least. <br />
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The only time after my recovery that I had what you could call a "normal" digestive system was when I was pregnant. I was Little Miss Regular. I really hoped that it would continue after I had my beautiful baby boy.<br />
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It didn't.<br />
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Now I'm lucky if I can go once a week. I envy people who are regular. Seriously. <br />
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Once when I was at the store, I bought what I thought were fiber pills. They worked magnificently! I found my cure. I was so happy. When I ran out of them and went to buy another bottle, I looked more closely at the label. I had been taking laxatives, not fiber pills. Well no f*ing wonder they worked. I knew I couldn't continue taking them and bought the actual fiber pills instead. Did they work? No. <br />
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Now I'm taking probiotics. I've been doing this for about a month now. No improvement. My next step is adding Mirolax in my coffee every morning. I've only done this for the last two mornings, so I can't tell you if it's helped or not.<br />
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I have developed a corn allergy as well. I can not eat anything made from corn or corn flour without experiencing excruciating pain. Taco Bell used to be one of my number one places to get my binge and purge foods. No more crunchy tacos or nachos for me. When buying groceries I have to make sure that nothing I buy contains corn. And by being a southern girl, I sure do miss cheesy grits loaded with butter. <br />
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This sucks. Thanks for listening to me rant. I guess I'm writing this to let people know that an eating disorder can truly fuck with you. I never thought I would still be having problems this long into my recovery. If you are still actively participating in your disease, please get help. And if you're experiencing this, know you're not alone. If you have any remedies, please let me know. We're all in this together.<br />
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love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-86321216214374360422016-11-26T10:04:00.002-06:002016-11-26T10:04:30.837-06:00Giving ThanksI hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know the holiday season and be very hard for those in the thick of their disease or for those in the beginning of their recovery. This is a perfect time to be extra gentle and caring for yourselves. <br />
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But what I wanted to talk about today is giving thanks to your disorder. It may not seem like much of a gift during and in the beginning of your recovery. In time you will be able to see the gifts it has given you.<br />
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The gift I'm most thankful for is that the disorder gave me back myself. My true self. If it wasn't for the disease, I would not be the person I am today. It gave me compassion for others. It took me out of myself and also taught me to love myself. I had to learn these traits. (It's so hard to put all this in words.) It made me more me. A good me. It took me to the depths of hell and the only way was up. <br />
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It also gave me the gift of spirituality. Before recovery I was agnostic. I wanted to believe in a power greater than myself, but when I looked at my life it was hard for me to think there was some force in the world that wanted the best for me. I was so angry. Angry at the world. Angry at God for taking my daddy when I was three. Angry at myself for "allowing" all the crappy things to happen to me. But the gift of recovery showed me that there is something bigger than us at work. I couldn't have made it this far without it. I now have a daily prayer and meditation practice that I wouldn't have ever had if it wasn't for my eating disorder. That is the biggest thing it has ever gave me. I am truly thankful and humbled by this. <br />
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This week try to examine the things that your disease has given you. The good things and focus on that. Don't focus on all the crappy things. What you focus on, becomes. Write out a list and keep adding to it as things as you recall. Revisit your list when the disease tries to dissuade your recovery. <br />
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May this holiday season be your best yet.<br />
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love and light, kelly<br /> <br />
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-71934632595930783612016-10-09T18:57:00.000-05:002016-12-10T22:04:48.689-06:00Yeah, I know. It's Been Awhile Part 2All day I have great ideas and topics to discuss on this site. Then it comes down to actually writing, and I put it off for one day. That day becomes the next day, and I again put it off. Before I know it, a whole lot of time has come since I last wrote. <br />
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Procrastination should be my true vocation. <br />
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And I have plenty of excuses too. I have to help my son with his homework. I have to cook dinner. My son has soccer practice twice a week. I'm tired. I need some me time. <br />
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The whole time my blog is in the back of my mind. <br />
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This is something I'm working on. I'm not going to get down on myself. I'm going to forgive myself for not being of service to everyone who has ever read this blog. All five of you. Lol! <br />
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Look for new content coming soon. I have a whole lists of topics I want to discuss. But first I have to watch the debate tonight. Again I kid. <br />
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love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-76365871204169838962016-07-24T14:59:00.003-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.693-05:00Let Go Already!I want everyone to think about something this week, especially the ones who are still deep in their disease.<br /><br /><b>Why are you still holding on?</b><br /><br />There is a reason. Only you can answer it. <br /><br />I'll give you my examples. I may have mentioned this before, but when I was in therapy, there was a time I was still living with my ex boyfriend. (I do not recommend that, by the way.) Anyway my therapist asked me what needs of mine were being filled by still hanging on to him and our failed relationship. I told her that none of my needs were and that there was no reasons. She said that there was or I wouldn't still be there. The most important thing she added that it didn't have to be a positive reason. <br /><br />It took me a day or two of meditating on that to finally see what the needs were. I stayed around because as long as I was still having some kind of relationship with him, I could stay stuck in my disease and not have to face up to my issues. I could go on believing that I was worthless, crazy, and a bitch. He reinforced all the negative things that I had been telling myself for years. I knew on a deeper level that all that was not true. I knew I deserved better. But I was scared. <br /><br />Once I realized why I was still there, I began to slowly break away. I stood up for myself. I stopped letting his words hurt me. I got better. We soon both moved out and got separate apartments. <br /><br />The reason I still hung on to my eating disorder was easier to answer. Safety. It was my fall back guy. As long as I held on to it, nothing could hurt me. I didn't have to feel my feelings and face up to what the disease had done to me. I knew that as long as I had it, I could numb out and escape the world. Never mind what it was doing to me physically and emotionally. That was simply some side effects that I thought was worth it. <br /><br />But when I got honest with myself, I saw that it was all a charade. I was holding on to something that could eventually kill me. It never made me feel good about myself or life in general. But I still hung on tight. I thought that I wouldn't be able to face life and all the problems that come with living. <br /><br />I was wrong.<br /><br />I did give it up and saw that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I look back at the things I have encountered and am amazed I made it through. I was still alive and had reasons to live. <br /><br />So ask yourself why are you holding on to your disease or anything else that is not serving you in the highest way? Take time to reflect on that. Journal about it. Meditate on it. There is a reason why. <br /><br />I hope this week gives you peace and happiness.<br /><br />love and light, kelly<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-29482839679855297272016-07-24T14:59:00.002-05:002016-07-24T14:59:58.479-05:00Let Go Already!I want everyone to think about something this week, especially the ones who are still deep in their disease.<br />
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<b>Why are you still holding on?</b><br />
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There is a reason. Only you can answer it. <br />
<br />
I'll give you my examples. I may have mentioned this before, but when I was in therapy, there was a time I was still living with my ex boyfriend. (I do not recommend that, by the way.) Anyway my therapist asked me what needs of mine were being filled by still hanging on to him and our failed relationship. I told her that none of my needs were and that there was no reasons. She said that there was or I wouldn't still be there. The most important thing she added that it didn't have to be a positive reason. <br />
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It took me a day or two of meditating on that to finally see what the needs were. I stayed around because as long as I was still having some kind of relationship with him, I could stay stuck in my disease and not have to face up to my issues. I could go on believing that I was worthless, crazy, and a bitch. He reinforced all the negative things that I had been telling myself for years. I knew on a deeper level that all that was not true. I knew I deserved better. But I was scared. <br />
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Once I realized why I was still there, I began to slowly break away. I stood up for myself. I stopped letting his words hurt me. I got better. We soon both moved out and got separate apartments. <br />
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The reason I still hung on to my eating disorder was easier to answer. Safety. It was my fall back guy. As long as I held on to it, nothing could hurt me. I didn't have to feel my feelings and face up to what the disease had done to me. I knew that as long as I had it, I could numb out and escape the world. Never mind what it was doing to me physically and emotionally. That was simply some side effects that I thought was worth it. <br />
<br />
But when I got honest with myself, I saw that it was all a charade. I was holding on to something that could eventually kill me. It never made me feel good about myself or life in general. But I still hung on tight. I thought that I wouldn't be able to face life and all the problems that come with living. <br />
<br />
I was wrong.<br />
<br />
I did give it up and saw that I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I look back at the things I have encountered and am amazed I made it through. I was still alive and had reasons to live. <br />
<br />
So ask yourself why are you holding on to your disease or anything else that is not serving you in the highest way? Take time to reflect on that. Journal about it. Meditate on it. There is a reason why. <br />
<br />
I hope this week gives you peace and happiness.<br />
<br />
love and light, kelly<br />
kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-57783180129272262082016-07-03T13:44:00.001-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.797-05:00A Is For AcceptanceThis past week I have been thinking a lot about what I last posted. It was really good for me to come clean with my struggles I've been having. It has caused me to really examine myself and my feelings about my current body image. <br /><br />And know what I think about it now? Who the f--- cares. This is my body. Who says I have to have a perfectly flat stomach? Maybe this is the size my body wants to be. That's ok. All I can do is feed my body the best I can and exercise my body the way I feel. If I loose weight, so be it. If I don't, so be it. I'm going to be happy with myself no matter what. <br /><br />Because when I think back on it, even when I was smaller and weighed less, I wasn't happy. I was always thinking that if I could only loose five more pounds, tighten up my tummy, get a firmer butt, and etc, THEN I'll be happy. My happiness is a choice. I'm going to choose to be happy with the body I have now. No, it's not perfect. But it's perfectly mine. <br /><br />I urge you to do the same. Love yourself as you are now. Accept yourself as you are now. You only get this one body in this lifetime. Treat it well. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4QTjBoLuV0/V3lcq6n9ecI/AAAAAAAAAV4/9e3DFYsjhNkO2LDYPRoYYSVfprqdsAyvACLcB/s1600/14592808186_4806b0bb24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4QTjBoLuV0/V3lcq6n9ecI/AAAAAAAAAV4/9e3DFYsjhNkO2LDYPRoYYSVfprqdsAyvACLcB/s320/14592808186_4806b0bb24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-60791087561368144152016-07-03T13:44:00.000-05:002016-07-03T13:44:52.659-05:00A Is For AcceptanceThis past week I have been thinking a lot about what I last posted. It was really good for me to come clean with my struggles I've been having. It has caused me to really examine myself and my feelings about my current body image. <br />
<br />
And know what I think about it now? Who the f--- cares. This is my body. Who says I have to have a perfectly flat stomach? Maybe this is the size my body wants to be. That's ok. All I can do is feed my body the best I can and exercise my body the way I feel. If I loose weight, so be it. If I don't, so be it. I'm going to be happy with myself no matter what. <br />
<br />
Because when I think back on it, even when I was smaller and weighed less, I wasn't happy. I was always thinking that if I could only loose five more pounds, tighten up my tummy, get a firmer butt, and etc, THEN I'll be happy. My happiness is a choice. I'm going to choose to be happy with the body I have now. No, it's not perfect. But it's perfectly mine. <br />
<br />
I urge you to do the same. Love yourself as you are now. Accept yourself as you are now. You only get this one body in this lifetime. Treat it well. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4QTjBoLuV0/V3lcq6n9ecI/AAAAAAAAAV4/9e3DFYsjhNkO2LDYPRoYYSVfprqdsAyvACLcB/s1600/14592808186_4806b0bb24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4QTjBoLuV0/V3lcq6n9ecI/AAAAAAAAAV4/9e3DFYsjhNkO2LDYPRoYYSVfprqdsAyvACLcB/s320/14592808186_4806b0bb24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-69313694586528461762016-07-02T09:45:00.002-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.858-05:00CHOOSE WISELY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XxKbs2oSRzA/V2_3mfkcu_I/AAAAAAAAAVc/eRwitY-szTIehv1c8yBOV0GzyyrQUTW4wCLcB/s1600/16gwbk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XxKbs2oSRzA/V2_3mfkcu_I/AAAAAAAAAVc/eRwitY-szTIehv1c8yBOV0GzyyrQUTW4wCLcB/s320/16gwbk.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-12353844833987667892016-07-02T09:45:00.001-05:002016-07-02T09:45:16.884-05:00CHOOSE WISELY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XxKbs2oSRzA/V2_3mfkcu_I/AAAAAAAAAVc/eRwitY-szTIehv1c8yBOV0GzyyrQUTW4wCLcB/s1600/16gwbk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XxKbs2oSRzA/V2_3mfkcu_I/AAAAAAAAAVc/eRwitY-szTIehv1c8yBOV0GzyyrQUTW4wCLcB/s320/16gwbk.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-82740901188346456552016-06-26T10:06:00.001-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.901-05:00It's Been Awhile...It's been quite awhile. Let me explain.<br /><br />On June 22 of this year, I celebrated 17 years of recovery. I almost didn't make it. This has been the toughest year yet. The toughest.<br /><br />Two years ago I had a hysterectomy. It caused my hormones to wreck havoc on my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed not including pregnancy. All my weight gain has settled in my stomach and thigh area. I found myself hating these parts of my body and wanting to change them. But with a past eating disorder, it's not so easy. You can't just go on a "diet". You can't just decide to "lose a few pounds". Right? So what the hell do you do? Hell if I know.<br /><br />I do know that it woke up the damn eating disorder voice. Oh how it did that. I had it constantly in my ears, yapping away about how fat I got. How I need to do something about it. How it knows how to get me back in shape. How if I just give it a little time...and on and on and on. You know the drill. Thankfully I have had enough recovery to know that all that was empty lies. But it had me saying crap like how I wanted to get a tummy tuck. It had me counting calories for about a week until I realized what I was doing. It's sneaky. <br /><br />I would look at body positivity sites and wish I could feel that good about myself. I'm slowly getting there.<br /><br />I started buying clothes that were flowy and hid all the parts I didn't like.<br /><br />I went back to intuitive eating. If I felt like eating healthy, I would. If I wanted fast food, so be it. That's what I would have.<br /><br />I stopped impulsively weighing myself. My weight is going to be what it's going to be. It doesn't define me.<br /><br />One word: yoga.<br /><br />Another word: meditation.<br /><br />I'm happy to say the voice is slipping away. I guess it realizes I'm not going to fall for it. I can't. I have too much to lose. <br /><br />I just take it one day at a time. I pray. I meditate. I thank God. That's all I can do. <br /><br />I don't know who all still reads this blog, but it feels good to be back.<br /><br />love and light, kelly<br /><br /><br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-14112720712506529852016-06-26T10:06:00.000-05:002016-06-26T10:06:12.114-05:00It's Been Awhile...It's been quite awhile. Let me explain.<br />
<br />
On June 22 of this year, I celebrated 17 years of recovery. I almost didn't make it. This has been the toughest year yet. The toughest.<br />
<br />
Two years ago I had a hysterectomy. It caused my hormones to wreck havoc on my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed not including pregnancy. All my weight gain has settled in my stomach and thigh area. I found myself hating these parts of my body and wanting to change them. But with a past eating disorder, it's not so easy. You can't just go on a "diet". You can't just decide to "lose a few pounds". Right? So what the hell do you do? Hell if I know.<br />
<br />
I do know that it woke up the damn eating disorder voice. Oh how it did that. I had it constantly in my ears, yapping away about how fat I got. How I need to do something about it. How it knows how to get me back in shape. How if I just give it a little time...and on and on and on. You know the drill. Thankfully I have had enough recovery to know that all that was empty lies. But it had me saying crap like how I wanted to get a tummy tuck. It had me counting calories for about a week until I realized what I was doing. It's sneaky. <br />
<br />
I would look at body positivity sites and wish I could feel that good about myself. I'm slowly getting there.<br />
<br />
I started buying clothes that were flowy and hid all the parts I didn't like.<br />
<br />
I went back to intuitive eating. If I felt like eating healthy, I would. If I wanted fast food, so be it. That's what I would have.<br />
<br />
I stopped impulsively weighing myself. My weight is going to be what it's going to be. It doesn't define me.<br />
<br />
One word: yoga.<br />
<br />
Another word: meditation.<br />
<br />
I'm happy to say the voice is slipping away. I guess it realizes I'm not going to fall for it. I can't. I have too much to lose. <br />
<br />
I just take it one day at a time. I pray. I meditate. I thank God. That's all I can do. <br />
<br />
I don't know who all still reads this blog, but it feels good to be back.<br />
<br />
love and light, kelly<br />
<br />
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-65432727121558480392015-10-14T20:38:00.001-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.934-05:00Embracing Flaws<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yf1pWJbPuXk/VhqM2DKp6rI/AAAAAAAAASI/GOe_d7v5Dbk/s1600/real-women-quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yf1pWJbPuXk/VhqM2DKp6rI/AAAAAAAAASI/GOe_d7v5Dbk/s320/real-women-quote.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Be confident in your skin. Embrace your "flaws". Love yourself for who you are. You are beautiful!<br /><br />love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-9320427303372192382015-10-14T20:38:00.000-05:002015-10-14T20:38:08.650-05:00Embracing Flaws<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yf1pWJbPuXk/VhqM2DKp6rI/AAAAAAAAASI/GOe_d7v5Dbk/s1600/real-women-quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yf1pWJbPuXk/VhqM2DKp6rI/AAAAAAAAASI/GOe_d7v5Dbk/s320/real-women-quote.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Be confident in your skin. Embrace your "flaws". Love yourself for who you are. You are beautiful!<br />
<br />
love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-82000339409817204062015-10-11T11:00:00.002-05:002017-09-11T09:20:57.984-05:00World Mental Health DayYesterday was World Mental Health Day. Eating disorders are a form of mental illness. It is not about vanity, like some people believe. It is not an attitude problem. It is not as easily cured as simply choosing to eat again. It is a serious illness. No one wakes up one day and chooses to get anorexia, bulimia, compulsive binge eating disorder, and the like. It is something that happens over time. Usually as a coping mechanism, much like alcoholism and drug addiction. <br /><br />But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people. <br /><br />That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment. <br /><br />Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.<br /><br />If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail..com.<br /><br />love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-19985509452477987862015-10-11T11:00:00.001-05:002017-01-09T08:32:39.712-06:00World Mental Health DayYesterday was World Mental Health Day. Eating disorders are a form of mental illness. It is not about vanity, like some people believe. It is not an attitude problem. It is not as easily cured as simply choosing to eat again. It is a serious illness. No one wakes up one day and chooses to get anorexia, bulimia, compulsive binge eating disorder, and the like. It is something that happens over time. Usually as a coping mechanism, much like alcoholism and drug addiction. <br />
<br />
But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people. <br />
<br />
That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment. <br />
<br />
Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.<br />
<br />
If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail.com.<br />
<br />
love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-59783757609947589932015-10-07T19:56:00.001-05:002017-09-11T09:20:58.034-05:00You Take the Good, You Take the Bad...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_WJUMDdhsrw/VhKIZPUutKI/AAAAAAAAARs/j5uR2Xvms6Y/s1600/image24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_WJUMDdhsrw/VhKIZPUutKI/AAAAAAAAARs/j5uR2Xvms6Y/s320/image24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-42626328941796305102015-10-07T19:56:00.000-05:002015-10-07T19:56:57.276-05:00You Take the Good, You Take the Bad...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_WJUMDdhsrw/VhKIZPUutKI/AAAAAAAAARs/j5uR2Xvms6Y/s1600/image24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_WJUMDdhsrw/VhKIZPUutKI/AAAAAAAAARs/j5uR2Xvms6Y/s320/image24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-15308157578676625682015-10-05T09:03:00.003-05:002017-09-11T09:20:58.081-05:00A Little PatienceWe live in an instant gratification society. You want something now? Well, you can get it now. Movies, albums, songs, books, you name it. You don't even have to leave your house anymore to go shopping. You can do it at the comfort of your house. Just about everything you could possibly want is at your fingertips now. Everything but one. <br /><br />Your recovery. <br /><br />That is going to take some time.<br /><br />And it can suck big time, though you probably already know that. <br /><br />The main thing I want you to remember is that your disease did not happen overnight. It took months and years to get where you are right now. So it would only make sense that it would take time to get better. <br /><br />There were many many many times in my recovery that I felt like giving up. Throwing in the towel. This crap is taking too long. It's so much easier staying sick. When am I ever going to be "normal" again? Ever felt like this?<br /><br />I had many pity parties for myself. But I kept on. Knowing that there had to be a better way of living. Knowing that God had a plan for me. <span style="font-size: large;"> I never gave up. </span> I kept up showing up for my appointments, and doing my recovery work. Slowly I got better. <br /><br />So don't give up. Anything worth having takes time. I did it and so can you. Have patience and faith. A lot of patience and faith.<br /><br />love and light, kelly<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-87541702244353442862015-10-05T09:03:00.002-05:002015-10-05T09:03:43.759-05:00A Little PatienceWe live in an instant gratification society. You want something now? Well, you can get it now. Movies, albums, songs, books, you name it. You don't even have to leave your house anymore to go shopping. You can do it at the comfort of your house. Just about everything you could possibly want is at your fingertips now. Everything but one. <br />
<br />
Your recovery. <br />
<br />
That is going to take some time.<br />
<br />
And it can suck big time, though you probably already know that. <br />
<br />
The main thing I want you to remember is that your disease did not happen overnight. It took months and years to get where you are right now. So it would only make sense that it would take time to get better. <br />
<br />
There were many many many times in my recovery that I felt like giving up. Throwing in the towel. This crap is taking too long. It's so much easier staying sick. When am I ever going to be "normal" again? Ever felt like this?<br />
<br />
I had many pity parties for myself. But I kept on. Knowing that there had to be a better way of living. Knowing that God had a plan for me. <span style="font-size: large;"> I never gave up. </span> I kept up showing up for my appointments, and doing my recovery work. Slowly I got better. <br />
<br />
So don't give up. Anything worth having takes time. I did it and so can you. Have patience and faith. A lot of patience and faith.<br />
<br />
love and light, kelly<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />kelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-84681711262816146822015-10-02T18:55:00.001-05:002017-09-11T09:20:58.126-05:00A Return to Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VFL0oBuVB_Q/Vgf-LbRdOGI/AAAAAAAAARM/ODNmMs6DCUg/s1600/Our-deepest-fear-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="289" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VFL0oBuVB_Q/Vgf-LbRdOGI/AAAAAAAAARM/ODNmMs6DCUg/s320/Our-deepest-fear-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />This is one of my favorite quotes. It comes from Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. I urge each and every one of you to read this quote daily and take it to heart. We all have that within us. It is waiting to be discovered. Don't hide it any longer. The world needs people like you. <br /><br />love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8879525888327934502.post-54688791705734906592015-10-02T18:55:00.000-05:002015-10-02T18:55:10.398-05:00A Return to Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VFL0oBuVB_Q/Vgf-LbRdOGI/AAAAAAAAARM/ODNmMs6DCUg/s1600/Our-deepest-fear-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="289" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VFL0oBuVB_Q/Vgf-LbRdOGI/AAAAAAAAARM/ODNmMs6DCUg/s320/Our-deepest-fear-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
This is one of my favorite quotes. It comes from Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. I urge each and every one of you to read this quote daily and take it to heart. We all have that within us. It is waiting to be discovered. Don't hide it any longer. The world needs people like you. <br />
<br />
love and light, kellykelly bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00328619665942425847noreply@blogger.com0