Confessions of a Former Grudge Holder

I used to hold major, and I mean major, grudges.  For years.  Piss me off even slightly and you would forever be on my poop list.

Today I practice forgiveness.  Daily.  I am no longer the queen of grudges.  And I am much happier because of it.  That doesn't mean I don't still get mad at people.  I do.  I just feel the feelings and then let them go.

I would get nowhere holding onto the grudges I was holding on to.  I would spend so much energy hating so and so.  Meanwhile s/he would be going on with their life, oblivious to the time they were spending in my head.  I would be like, "How dare they go about all happy and crap, when I'm still over here pissed about what happened."  It just wasn't fair.

Then I heard I quote from the mighty O herself (Oprah) on forgiveness:  “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.”  She went on to explain that it doesn't mean that what happened to you is ok.  Just that you accept that it happened.  Then move on.  

I have an ex-boyfriend who was physically abusive to me for years.  To say he isn't my favorite person would be an understatement.  But I have forgiven him.  I don't want him in my life, but I still have forgiven him.  I can see him now and not want to immediately run and hide or have the urge to mentally kill him with my thoughts.  People are amazed that I can have polite small talk with him.  I'm a different person now than I was when we were together.  I'm no longer the insecure girl with no self esteem.  The girl who allowed him to walk all over her.  He doesn't know the new me, and he probably never will.  And that's fine.  Just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean they have to be in your life.  You can forgive people that have passed away, moved far away, or will never ever see again.  

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  The word itself is FOR GIVE.  Give yourself this.  Make peace with the past for you.  As long as you're holding grudges and what not, the other person still has control and power over you.  Release it.  Surrender.  You don't have to call the person and let them know what you're doing.  Make it personal.  Something between you and your Higher Power.  Just do it.  Practice it daily.  I promise your life will be so much more peaceful and calm.  Don't we all want that?  I know I do.  

love and light, kelly