Holidays can be hard for people with eating disorders, mainly because so many of them are centered around food. Like Easter. From the family dinner to the candy the Easter Bunny brings, anxious emotions can arise.
This year I urge you to find new meaning for the holiday. Easter comes in spring and that means renewal. Look around you. Flowers are blossoming and trees are gaining their leaves back. The earth is blooming once again after the winter.
My wish for you is to do the same. Use the meaning of today for your own life. Today you are blossoming, being reborn into the person you are meant to be. Not what your disease wants you to be. Cast away your former shell, and emerge as the amazing person you are. Keep this message close to your heart for the days ahead. Maybe even allow yourself to have some Easter candy and don't feel guilty about it. I'm for sure going to enjoy some.
love and light, Kelly
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Happy Easter
Holidays can be hard for people with eating disorders, mainly because so many of them are centered around food. Like Easter. From the family dinner to the candy the Easter Bunny brings, anxious emotions can arise.
This year I urge you to find new meaning for the holiday. Easter comes in spring and that means renewal. Look around you. Flowers are blossoming and trees are gaining their leaves back. The earth is blooming once again after the winter.
My wish for you is to do the same. Use the meaning of today for your own life. Today you are blossoming, being reborn into the person you are meant to be. Not what your disease wants you to be. Cast away your former shell, and emerge as the amazing person you are. Keep this message close to your heart for the days ahead. Maybe even allow yourself to have some Easter candy and don't feel guilty about it. I'm for sure going to enjoy some.
love and light, Kelly
This year I urge you to find new meaning for the holiday. Easter comes in spring and that means renewal. Look around you. Flowers are blossoming and trees are gaining their leaves back. The earth is blooming once again after the winter.
My wish for you is to do the same. Use the meaning of today for your own life. Today you are blossoming, being reborn into the person you are meant to be. Not what your disease wants you to be. Cast away your former shell, and emerge as the amazing person you are. Keep this message close to your heart for the days ahead. Maybe even allow yourself to have some Easter candy and don't feel guilty about it. I'm for sure going to enjoy some.
love and light, Kelly
Monday, April 14, 2014
Confessions of a Former Grudge Holder
I used to hold major, and I mean major, grudges. For years. Piss me off even slightly and you would forever be on my poop list.
Today I practice forgiveness. Daily. I am no longer the queen of grudges. And I am much happier because of it. That doesn't mean I don't still get mad at people. I do. I just feel the feelings and then let them go.
I would get nowhere holding onto the grudges I was holding on to. I would spend so much energy hating so and so. Meanwhile s/he would be going on with their life, oblivious to the time they were spending in my head. I would be like, "How dare they go about all happy and crap, when I'm still over here pissed about what happened." It just wasn't fair.
Then I heard I quote from the mighty O herself (Oprah) on forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” She went on to explain that it doesn't mean that what happened to you is ok. Just that you accept that it happened. Then move on.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was physically abusive to me for years. To say he isn't my favorite person would be an understatement. But I have forgiven him. I don't want him in my life, but I still have forgiven him. I can see him now and not want to immediately run and hide or have the urge to mentally kill him with my thoughts. People are amazed that I can have polite small talk with him. I'm a different person now than I was when we were together. I'm no longer the insecure girl with no self esteem. The girl who allowed him to walk all over her. He doesn't know the new me, and he probably never will. And that's fine. Just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean they have to be in your life. You can forgive people that have passed away, moved far away, or will never ever see again.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. The word itself is FOR GIVE. Give yourself this. Make peace with the past for you. As long as you're holding grudges and what not, the other person still has control and power over you. Release it. Surrender. You don't have to call the person and let them know what you're doing. Make it personal. Something between you and your Higher Power. Just do it. Practice it daily. I promise your life will be so much more peaceful and calm. Don't we all want that? I know I do.
love and light, kelly
Today I practice forgiveness. Daily. I am no longer the queen of grudges. And I am much happier because of it. That doesn't mean I don't still get mad at people. I do. I just feel the feelings and then let them go.
I would get nowhere holding onto the grudges I was holding on to. I would spend so much energy hating so and so. Meanwhile s/he would be going on with their life, oblivious to the time they were spending in my head. I would be like, "How dare they go about all happy and crap, when I'm still over here pissed about what happened." It just wasn't fair.
Then I heard I quote from the mighty O herself (Oprah) on forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” She went on to explain that it doesn't mean that what happened to you is ok. Just that you accept that it happened. Then move on.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was physically abusive to me for years. To say he isn't my favorite person would be an understatement. But I have forgiven him. I don't want him in my life, but I still have forgiven him. I can see him now and not want to immediately run and hide or have the urge to mentally kill him with my thoughts. People are amazed that I can have polite small talk with him. I'm a different person now than I was when we were together. I'm no longer the insecure girl with no self esteem. The girl who allowed him to walk all over her. He doesn't know the new me, and he probably never will. And that's fine. Just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean they have to be in your life. You can forgive people that have passed away, moved far away, or will never ever see again.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. The word itself is FOR GIVE. Give yourself this. Make peace with the past for you. As long as you're holding grudges and what not, the other person still has control and power over you. Release it. Surrender. You don't have to call the person and let them know what you're doing. Make it personal. Something between you and your Higher Power. Just do it. Practice it daily. I promise your life will be so much more peaceful and calm. Don't we all want that? I know I do.
love and light, kelly
Confessions of a Former Grudge Holder
I used to hold major, and I mean major, grudges. For years. Piss me off even slightly and you would forever be on my poop list.
Today I practice forgiveness. Daily. I am no longer the queen of grudges. And I am much happier because of it. That doesn't mean I don't still get mad at people. I do. I just feel the feelings and then let them go.
I would get nowhere holding onto the grudges I was holding on to. I would spend so much energy hating so and so. Meanwhile s/he would be going on with their life, oblivious to the time they were spending in my head. I would be like, "How dare they go about all happy and crap, when I'm still over here pissed about what happened." It just wasn't fair.
Then I heard I quote from the mighty O herself (Oprah) on forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” She went on to explain that it doesn't mean that what happened to you is ok. Just that you accept that it happened. Then move on.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was physically abusive to me for years. To say he isn't my favorite person would be an understatement. But I have forgiven him. I don't want him in my life, but I still have forgiven him. I can see him now and not want to immediately run and hide or have the urge to mentally kill him with my thoughts. People are amazed that I can have polite small talk with him. I'm a different person now than I was when we were together. I'm no longer the insecure girl with no self esteem. The girl who allowed him to walk all over her. He doesn't know the new me, and he probably never will. And that's fine. Just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean they have to be in your life. You can forgive people that have passed away, moved far away, or will never ever see again.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. The word itself is FOR GIVE. Give yourself this. Make peace with the past for you. As long as you're holding grudges and what not, the other person still has control and power over you. Release it. Surrender. You don't have to call the person and let them know what you're doing. Make it personal. Something between you and your Higher Power. Just do it. Practice it daily. I promise your life will be so much more peaceful and calm. Don't we all want that? I know I do.
love and light, kelly
Today I practice forgiveness. Daily. I am no longer the queen of grudges. And I am much happier because of it. That doesn't mean I don't still get mad at people. I do. I just feel the feelings and then let them go.
I would get nowhere holding onto the grudges I was holding on to. I would spend so much energy hating so and so. Meanwhile s/he would be going on with their life, oblivious to the time they were spending in my head. I would be like, "How dare they go about all happy and crap, when I'm still over here pissed about what happened." It just wasn't fair.
Then I heard I quote from the mighty O herself (Oprah) on forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” She went on to explain that it doesn't mean that what happened to you is ok. Just that you accept that it happened. Then move on.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was physically abusive to me for years. To say he isn't my favorite person would be an understatement. But I have forgiven him. I don't want him in my life, but I still have forgiven him. I can see him now and not want to immediately run and hide or have the urge to mentally kill him with my thoughts. People are amazed that I can have polite small talk with him. I'm a different person now than I was when we were together. I'm no longer the insecure girl with no self esteem. The girl who allowed him to walk all over her. He doesn't know the new me, and he probably never will. And that's fine. Just because you forgive someone doesn't always mean they have to be in your life. You can forgive people that have passed away, moved far away, or will never ever see again.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. The word itself is FOR GIVE. Give yourself this. Make peace with the past for you. As long as you're holding grudges and what not, the other person still has control and power over you. Release it. Surrender. You don't have to call the person and let them know what you're doing. Make it personal. Something between you and your Higher Power. Just do it. Practice it daily. I promise your life will be so much more peaceful and calm. Don't we all want that? I know I do.
love and light, kelly
Friday, April 4, 2014
Relapse
Relapse is a part of recovery. It's going to happen. Accept it.
The most important thing to do when it happens is DO NOT beat yourself up over it.! DO NOT!!! You've spent years beating yourself up already. Now is the time to take care of you. Practice self forgiveness. Practice self love.
There was a time in my recovery that on the outside to others, it seemed like I was getting worse. People that cared about me were worried. Asking me if treatment was a good idea. I told them yes. It was working.
What they didn't know was that I was finally dealing with all the negativity that my e.d. had protected me from. All theses scary emotions were coming up. I was having to deal with situations that happened years ago. Things I should have dealt with and felt then. Not surprisingly, it was a bit overwhelming at times to say the least. There were a few days when after a tough therapy session, I would have to call in sick to work the next day and just stay in bed and cry all day. I can see why people thought I was going backwards and not forwards. But I knew that every tear shed was a tiny victory for me. Me - who used to view crying as weak. Me - who used tears to manipulate others. I was now bawling unabashedly. Reveling in my sobs. I was mainly mourning the three year old inside me who lost her dad and didn't understand why. I was mourning the unhealthy ways I tried to protect the little girl from getting hurt. I was begging for her forgiveness.
Now when the emotions would get too much - and they did - I would lapse. Notice I said lapse, not RElapse. To me lapse is more of a temporary situation. You fall down, get back up. A relapse is when you stay down for awhile. How long, of course, is up to you. It's always up to you. Hopefully not for long. But if so, forgive yourself. (FORGIVE=GIVE FOR YOURSELF) Know that it happens. It is a part - a vital part - of recovery. I've heard it shows that you are on the right track of recovery. You are. Get up. Brush yourself off. Keep looking forward. Don't give up.
love and light, kelly
The most important thing to do when it happens is DO NOT beat yourself up over it.! DO NOT!!! You've spent years beating yourself up already. Now is the time to take care of you. Practice self forgiveness. Practice self love.
There was a time in my recovery that on the outside to others, it seemed like I was getting worse. People that cared about me were worried. Asking me if treatment was a good idea. I told them yes. It was working.
What they didn't know was that I was finally dealing with all the negativity that my e.d. had protected me from. All theses scary emotions were coming up. I was having to deal with situations that happened years ago. Things I should have dealt with and felt then. Not surprisingly, it was a bit overwhelming at times to say the least. There were a few days when after a tough therapy session, I would have to call in sick to work the next day and just stay in bed and cry all day. I can see why people thought I was going backwards and not forwards. But I knew that every tear shed was a tiny victory for me. Me - who used to view crying as weak. Me - who used tears to manipulate others. I was now bawling unabashedly. Reveling in my sobs. I was mainly mourning the three year old inside me who lost her dad and didn't understand why. I was mourning the unhealthy ways I tried to protect the little girl from getting hurt. I was begging for her forgiveness.
Now when the emotions would get too much - and they did - I would lapse. Notice I said lapse, not RElapse. To me lapse is more of a temporary situation. You fall down, get back up. A relapse is when you stay down for awhile. How long, of course, is up to you. It's always up to you. Hopefully not for long. But if so, forgive yourself. (FORGIVE=GIVE FOR YOURSELF) Know that it happens. It is a part - a vital part - of recovery. I've heard it shows that you are on the right track of recovery. You are. Get up. Brush yourself off. Keep looking forward. Don't give up.
love and light, kelly
Relapse
Relapse is a part of recovery. It's going to happen. Accept it.
The most important thing to do when it happens is DO NOT beat yourself up over it.! DO NOT!!! You've spent years beating yourself up already. Now is the time to take care of you. Practice self forgiveness. Practice self love.
There was a time in my recovery that on the outside to others, it seemed like I was getting worse. People that cared about me were worried. Asking me if treatment was a good idea. I told them yes. It was working.
What they didn't know was that I was finally dealing with all the negativity that my e.d. had protected me from. All theses scary emotions were coming up. I was having to deal with situations that happened years ago. Things I should have dealt with and felt then. Not surprisingly, it was a bit overwhelming at times to say the least. There were a few days when after a tough therapy session, I would have to call in sick to work the next day and just stay in bed and cry all day. I can see why people thought I was going backwards and not forwards. But I knew that every tear shed was a tiny victory for me. Me - who used to view crying as weak. Me - who used tears to manipulate others. I was now bawling unabashedly. Reveling in my sobs. I was mainly mourning the three year old inside me who lost her dad and didn't understand why. I was mourning the unhealthy ways I tried to protect the little girl from getting hurt. I was begging for her forgiveness.
Now when the emotions would get too much - and they did - I would lapse. Notice I said lapse, not RElapse. To me lapse is more of a temporary situation. You fall down, get back up. A relapse is when you stay down for awhile. How long, of course, is up to you. It's always up to you. Hopefully not for long. But if so, forgive yourself. (FORGIVE=GIVE FOR YOURSELF) Know that it happens. It is a part - a vital part - of recovery. I've heard it shows that you are on the right track of recovery. You are. Get up. Brush yourself off. Keep looking forward. Don't give up.
love and light, kelly
The most important thing to do when it happens is DO NOT beat yourself up over it.! DO NOT!!! You've spent years beating yourself up already. Now is the time to take care of you. Practice self forgiveness. Practice self love.
There was a time in my recovery that on the outside to others, it seemed like I was getting worse. People that cared about me were worried. Asking me if treatment was a good idea. I told them yes. It was working.
What they didn't know was that I was finally dealing with all the negativity that my e.d. had protected me from. All theses scary emotions were coming up. I was having to deal with situations that happened years ago. Things I should have dealt with and felt then. Not surprisingly, it was a bit overwhelming at times to say the least. There were a few days when after a tough therapy session, I would have to call in sick to work the next day and just stay in bed and cry all day. I can see why people thought I was going backwards and not forwards. But I knew that every tear shed was a tiny victory for me. Me - who used to view crying as weak. Me - who used tears to manipulate others. I was now bawling unabashedly. Reveling in my sobs. I was mainly mourning the three year old inside me who lost her dad and didn't understand why. I was mourning the unhealthy ways I tried to protect the little girl from getting hurt. I was begging for her forgiveness.
Now when the emotions would get too much - and they did - I would lapse. Notice I said lapse, not RElapse. To me lapse is more of a temporary situation. You fall down, get back up. A relapse is when you stay down for awhile. How long, of course, is up to you. It's always up to you. Hopefully not for long. But if so, forgive yourself. (FORGIVE=GIVE FOR YOURSELF) Know that it happens. It is a part - a vital part - of recovery. I've heard it shows that you are on the right track of recovery. You are. Get up. Brush yourself off. Keep looking forward. Don't give up.
love and light, kelly
Thursday, March 27, 2014
A Video for Your Viewing Pleasure
I'm dating myself by saying this, but I saw this video for the first time many years ago when I was still sick. It was late at night when it came on MTV, and I believe I was not sober. The video made me cry. It is a beautiful song and video. Enjoy.
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