It's been quite awhile. Let me explain.
On June 22 of this year, I celebrated 17 years of recovery. I almost didn't make it. This has been the toughest year yet. The toughest.
Two years ago I had a hysterectomy. It caused my hormones to wreck havoc on my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed not including pregnancy. All my weight gain has settled in my stomach and thigh area. I found myself hating these parts of my body and wanting to change them. But with a past eating disorder, it's not so easy. You can't just go on a "diet". You can't just decide to "lose a few pounds". Right? So what the hell do you do? Hell if I know.
I do know that it woke up the damn eating disorder voice. Oh how it did that. I had it constantly in my ears, yapping away about how fat I got. How I need to do something about it. How it knows how to get me back in shape. How if I just give it a little time...and on and on and on. You know the drill. Thankfully I have had enough recovery to know that all that was empty lies. But it had me saying crap like how I wanted to get a tummy tuck. It had me counting calories for about a week until I realized what I was doing. It's sneaky.
I would look at body positivity sites and wish I could feel that good about myself. I'm slowly getting there.
I started buying clothes that were flowy and hid all the parts I didn't like.
I went back to intuitive eating. If I felt like eating healthy, I would. If I wanted fast food, so be it. That's what I would have.
I stopped impulsively weighing myself. My weight is going to be what it's going to be. It doesn't define me.
One word: yoga.
Another word: meditation.
I'm happy to say the voice is slipping away. I guess it realizes I'm not going to fall for it. I can't. I have too much to lose.
I just take it one day at a time. I pray. I meditate. I thank God. That's all I can do.
I don't know who all still reads this blog, but it feels good to be back.
love and light, kelly
Sunday, June 26, 2016
It's Been Awhile...
It's been quite awhile. Let me explain.
On June 22 of this year, I celebrated 17 years of recovery. I almost didn't make it. This has been the toughest year yet. The toughest.
Two years ago I had a hysterectomy. It caused my hormones to wreck havoc on my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed not including pregnancy. All my weight gain has settled in my stomach and thigh area. I found myself hating these parts of my body and wanting to change them. But with a past eating disorder, it's not so easy. You can't just go on a "diet". You can't just decide to "lose a few pounds". Right? So what the hell do you do? Hell if I know.
I do know that it woke up the damn eating disorder voice. Oh how it did that. I had it constantly in my ears, yapping away about how fat I got. How I need to do something about it. How it knows how to get me back in shape. How if I just give it a little time...and on and on and on. You know the drill. Thankfully I have had enough recovery to know that all that was empty lies. But it had me saying crap like how I wanted to get a tummy tuck. It had me counting calories for about a week until I realized what I was doing. It's sneaky.
I would look at body positivity sites and wish I could feel that good about myself. I'm slowly getting there.
I started buying clothes that were flowy and hid all the parts I didn't like.
I went back to intuitive eating. If I felt like eating healthy, I would. If I wanted fast food, so be it. That's what I would have.
I stopped impulsively weighing myself. My weight is going to be what it's going to be. It doesn't define me.
One word: yoga.
Another word: meditation.
I'm happy to say the voice is slipping away. I guess it realizes I'm not going to fall for it. I can't. I have too much to lose.
I just take it one day at a time. I pray. I meditate. I thank God. That's all I can do.
I don't know who all still reads this blog, but it feels good to be back.
love and light, kelly
On June 22 of this year, I celebrated 17 years of recovery. I almost didn't make it. This has been the toughest year yet. The toughest.
Two years ago I had a hysterectomy. It caused my hormones to wreck havoc on my weight. I now weigh more than I have ever weighed not including pregnancy. All my weight gain has settled in my stomach and thigh area. I found myself hating these parts of my body and wanting to change them. But with a past eating disorder, it's not so easy. You can't just go on a "diet". You can't just decide to "lose a few pounds". Right? So what the hell do you do? Hell if I know.
I do know that it woke up the damn eating disorder voice. Oh how it did that. I had it constantly in my ears, yapping away about how fat I got. How I need to do something about it. How it knows how to get me back in shape. How if I just give it a little time...and on and on and on. You know the drill. Thankfully I have had enough recovery to know that all that was empty lies. But it had me saying crap like how I wanted to get a tummy tuck. It had me counting calories for about a week until I realized what I was doing. It's sneaky.
I would look at body positivity sites and wish I could feel that good about myself. I'm slowly getting there.
I started buying clothes that were flowy and hid all the parts I didn't like.
I went back to intuitive eating. If I felt like eating healthy, I would. If I wanted fast food, so be it. That's what I would have.
I stopped impulsively weighing myself. My weight is going to be what it's going to be. It doesn't define me.
One word: yoga.
Another word: meditation.
I'm happy to say the voice is slipping away. I guess it realizes I'm not going to fall for it. I can't. I have too much to lose.
I just take it one day at a time. I pray. I meditate. I thank God. That's all I can do.
I don't know who all still reads this blog, but it feels good to be back.
love and light, kelly
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Embracing Flaws
Be confident in your skin. Embrace your "flaws". Love yourself for who you are. You are beautiful!
love and light, kelly
Embracing Flaws
Be confident in your skin. Embrace your "flaws". Love yourself for who you are. You are beautiful!
love and light, kelly
Sunday, October 11, 2015
World Mental Health Day
Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. Eating disorders are a form of mental illness. It is not about vanity, like some people believe. It is not an attitude problem. It is not as easily cured as simply choosing to eat again. It is a serious illness. No one wakes up one day and chooses to get anorexia, bulimia, compulsive binge eating disorder, and the like. It is something that happens over time. Usually as a coping mechanism, much like alcoholism and drug addiction.
But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people.
That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment.
Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.
If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail..com.
love and light, kelly
But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people.
That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment.
Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.
If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail..com.
love and light, kelly
World Mental Health Day
Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. Eating disorders are a form of mental illness. It is not about vanity, like some people believe. It is not an attitude problem. It is not as easily cured as simply choosing to eat again. It is a serious illness. No one wakes up one day and chooses to get anorexia, bulimia, compulsive binge eating disorder, and the like. It is something that happens over time. Usually as a coping mechanism, much like alcoholism and drug addiction.
But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people.
That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment.
Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.
If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail.com.
love and light, kelly
But what makes eating disorders scary is that out of all the mental illnesses is that it has the highest mortality rate. Studies vary stating the rate between 10 and 20 percent. The reason for the high rate is because of the health issues the disease cause. Many sufferers die from heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition, or suicide. Not to mention the recovery rate isn't stellar either. That's some scary shit people.
That's why I started this blog. To show that it is possible. You can recover. It is not always going to be easy, but many things in life worth having do require hard work. And insurance companies can suck when it comes to coverage. I had to fight with mine. I was out patient, so mine wasn't as expensive, but I know the struggle. One of my dreams is to have a non profit that helps people pay for treatment.
Keep fighting the fight. Keep your head up. You can do it.
If anyone wants to email me and talk, my email is kellyb360@gmail.com.
love and light, kelly
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
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